Home is where your rump rests?

                If someone was to ask you what makes a home, what would you say? Most people don’t say themselves. It’s the biggest lie that we tell ourselves. How many times have we written off a relationship, saying we were better off alone? Do you think that people really believe that? That when people are truly alone, they are most at home? Do you believe it when you tell yourself that? I don’t believe that home is a solitary idea.

                Some people work their asses off in college and then in the soul sucking corporate world to make themselves their dream home. When all of the money that they’ve worked so hard for finally comes into something tangible, is that all they really need? Does a home really come down to a pile of bricks artfully arranged?

Or is it something more? There’s a reason that love songs dominate the radio. There’s a reason that there’s never a dry eye when Mufasa dies in the Lion King. And there’s a reason that so much of what we learn in school is how to interact with each other. McFly says that home is where the heart is. And what you keep in your heart most likely isn’t the address of your perfect house, or how much you love yourself unilaterally. What you hold closest to you are the people in your life.

So what do you have when your people aren’t there? What do you call home? Right now, my people are home.  They are in Chicago and New York, respectively. And yet somehow, I’ve found myself in Florida.

I’m not sure when I’ll learn that I am not enough. That the possibility of a professional advance isn’t worth feeling lonely for 5 months. That is not easy to find people, and to never let the ones go that you have found. I don’t think that other people should be the reason that you do things. But I have also learned that if you do things thinking that all you need is yourself, you’re going to be lonely a lot of the time.

Learn from your mistakes. With growing up comes choices, and sometimes you don’t make the right ones. This program is case and point. I know that for some people this program is the perfect fit. But like Abercrombie’s jeans, this will never fit me properly. I’m here to stay because I’ll be 21 in 2 months. It’s time that I started to live with my choices. I need to make the best of my time here, however that looks.

 But I’m also old enough that I think it’s time to shelve my pride. I am not enough for me, and that’s okay to admit. I was lucky enough to find all of you, and I want you all to know that I know how important you are now. I can’t promise you that I won’t ever leave again. That’s not me. Realizing that my roots run deeper than I previously knew doesn’t mean that my sense of adventure and curiosity is squelched. But I can promise you this…

 I will always come back to you.